| How i decided to become a Christian. |
|
|
| Written by Balaam Miracle | |
| Monday, 27 February 2006 | |
|
Some people wonder about how i (the webmaster) became a Christian, but when they ask, i always have to tell them that it is a very long story and that even the short version is a long story. So, here it is, the story about how i became a Christian: In 1987, when i was 17 year old hardcore punk kid, i was quite a militant atheist and anarchist. I was 100% convinced that there was no god/deity at all and that all Christians were hypocrites. I was also very interested in supernatural/paranormal phenomenae and was convinced that it was real (looking back, i think that was very hypocritical of myself, but at the time....). I used to go to a New Wave bar in the town that i lived in at the time, and one night, i saw this girl sitting at the bar all by herself. Her hair was teased, she wore her makeup like Siouxsie, whom i was completely obsessed about back hen, and i thought she even looked like her. So i stepped up to her, asked her if she wanted a drink (urgh, somebody should have explained to me what a cliche was) and we started to talk. I asked her of she knew this band, and if she knew that band and we talked and talked. This continued for a few weeks. I was always there, she wasn't but when she was, we talked and talked. One day she asked me if i wanted to come to a party with her because her sister and a friend of her were going to be baptized. Of course i wanted to go! I couldn't let an opportunity pass to annoy these hypoChristians, now could i? Next sunday i was there. In church, with bells on. and with "with bells on" i mean torn pants (especially the butt so that everyone could have a good view at them), i hadn't bathed in a week, i didn't shave for the same amount of time either, i already had a mohawk and i had safetypins stuck through my arm so i was convinced that i would not even spend 5 minutes in that church before they would throw me out. After all, that would be absolute proof that all Christians were hypocrites. So the service began and noone had even made an attempt to throw me out. Everybody started singing, and noone had layed a hand on me. Then they started praying in silence and i started to get enough of it so i hummed some song, loud enough for the entire church to have heard me and still no response. so when everybody stood up, i sat and when everybody sat, i stood up. I've folded paper planes of some leaflet i got at the door. I rolled a sigarette and lit it, but i put it out (on the white church wall) when that girl from the bar told me that you can't smoke in church. At long last, the service was over, so i made for the exit when i felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around and saw this over-aged hippie who said "I'm SO glad you are here!!!" and i thought "What??? Here i am, trying my best to be as impossible and hated as i can, and here this hippie (i HATED hippies with a passion!) is telling me that she is actully glad that i'm here? BRRRR!!!!!". However, i thought that it was only one person, and one person does not represent an entire beliefsystem, that much i did know. I also knew that for this person, her faith was real. Very real. Still, it was too weird that there was at least one person that practiced what's being preached. The next day, i talked with the girl from the bar about the service and she told me that Church activities did not stop at the weekly service and that each monday, there's bible study there. "Well, what's the bible study about? besides the bible." i asked. She told me that the next study was about the occult. "AHA!" i thought. "This guy is obviously going to deny that there is such a thing as paranormal phenomenae, so i'll be there with books and all and prove him wrong!". Well, i was there, with books and everything. But what i didn't count on was that he didn't deny the existence of paranormal stuff at all, he warned against it! So for the second time, i was rendered powerless to do what i wanted to do. The first time i couldn't shock them, the second time i couldn't defeat them because my preperations were wrong. INFURIATING!!!! I needed some opportunity to at least upset one Christian enough to make him forget his faith. I think it was about two weeks later when i learned that each year at pentecost, there was a huge Christian conference held in the middle of Holland that's being attended by 20,000 people. Surely, amongst those 20,000 will be at least opne person that can be victimized by me. So i asked if i could come with, and i could. When we arrived at the tent where we'd be spending the next 3 days, the first thing i did was not unpack my things, but to wander the camping grounds. You know, get to know the lay of the land. I didn't wander too far before i heard punk music and moved towards where the music came from. I came to a tent, said "hi" to the punx present, sat down and started a conversation about... well, that i cant remember. After a few minutes, one of those punx said "you know, you look familiar!", i thought he looked familiar too and we quickly found out that we were roomies in one of the children's homes where i had lived when i was little. Yeah, i guess that you could call it a coincidence that my old roommate from a children's home was at a camping with 20,000+ people, as much as you can call it a coincidence that he was only 5 tents away from "my" tent. _I_ thought it was a coincidence, so why shouldn't you? At least, at this point in the story, but the story isn't finished yet.But i didn't know it then. The next day, a service was held in one of the huge tents on the grounds. Since my direct approach to prove the "lies" hadn't worked, i figured i'd lie low and gather some ammo. With that in mind, i sat on the front row that day. I sat down next to a geeky looking guy (i hated geeky looking guys too, it reminded me too much of myself, two years before :-) ). I kinda ignored him and he seemed to ignore me. suddenly he stood up and left to do.... something, but he left his bible. When i was sure that he was gone, i picked up his bible and started to browse it a little. I don;t even remember the texts that i've read, but after about 10 minues, the geek came back and i said "hey, you forgot your bible.", thinking that he would be grateful that i kept it for him. "That's okay, you can keep it.", he said. I thought "what? keep it? I thought a bible would be extremely valuable to a Christian and he's giving his away?". I decided not to ask questions and keep the bible. I immediately made plans to "rewrite" the bible, but in my own words and giving it my own twist if you catch my drift. On day three, i ran across a few other Christian punks, one of them had a jacket on with an alpha and an omega, merged into one symbol i don't know how else to describe it). To me, it looked like the anarchist symbol, but broken, so i said "hey, your anarchist symbol is broken". the guy said "No man, it's not broken, it's perfect this way". I aksed what he meant, but my only reply was a little smirk and they walked away. You may think it was arrogant, but at the time, it was what i needed. It made me wonder what that symbol meant. The treatment i got didn't bother me at all. On the way back home from the camping, i drew the symbol as i remembered it and asked about it. I was told that it was an alpha and an omega, the first and the last letter of the Greek alphabet and that it was something from the bible (for those with a bible, read Revelation 1: During my stay on the conference, i had heard people say that you can ask God for proof of His existence and that kept going around in my head. On the one hand, i was a convinced anarchist and atheist 5that had to keep proving towards his friends that he was against any form of religion and/or leadership. On the other hand, i have seen that this stuff was very real to its followers. Also, during the conference i have heard of people getting healed and i have seen a few of those too, which i did off as the power of suggestion. There was something undeniabily real, but how can i tell my anarchist friends that i was interested in Christianity all of the sudden? As you can imagine, this was a big struggle for me and something or someone had to give. A decision had to be made but i also knew that i couldn't decide. So, remembering that i can ask God for proof of His existence, i said (not prayed) "well God, as You probably know, i am so low on cash that i don't know how to make it to the end of the month. So, if You are really there, You can prove it to me by making sure that i have enough to eat until the end of the month.". After that... erm... "prayer", nothing happened. I sat, and nothing happened. I waited a bit more and there was no thunder, no storm, no voice from heaven and certainly no quails or manna decending from heaven. "Well, that's it then" i thought and decided to make one last trip to the tent of my old roommate to say goodbye before we left. I stepped out of the tent and walked 10 meters at the most (about 30 years) when i saw a large cardboard box in the place where a day before was a tent. Abandoned cardboard boxes always made me curious, so i walked up to it and looked in it. In the box was bread, butter, coffee, tea, milk, sugar, honey, jam, cheese, everything that i would need to get through the month (which would last for 3 more weeks). But the kicker is that right there on top of all these goodies, there was kid's drawing (i've always been a sucker for them), but when i turned the drawing over to see what was on the back, that was the pivotal moment for me because written on the back, in the handwriting of probably a 6 or 7 year old, was my first name. I had heard of miracles before, but i had never experienced one myself and here i was, actually holding a miracle in my very hands! Coincidence my foot! This is too weird to be a coincidence. I mean, i am no mathematician, but what are the chances that you pray for one thing, then recieve EXACTLY what you asked for and have your name on it as well? One in a billion? One in one hundred billion? Still, i wasn't completely convinced, but it did make me seriously doubt the accuracy of my assumption that there is no God. Once home, i cut out a little cross out of cardboard and hung it on the safetypin in my ear. Not unside-down as i would have only a week before, but not upright either. I hung it slanted to symbolize my doubts about wether or not i should or shouldn't choose to become a Christian. Another thing that i did was take a piece of paper and write on it "Does God exist?" and hid it. I went back to look at the piece of paper every day, sort of hoping that by some miracle the word "yes" would appear underneath it. I also started to read parts of the bible, but with a critical eye and thinking about wether i agreed with what i read or not. A few weeks passed, i can't remember how many weeks, but i think it must have been 2 or 3 weeks, and the more i read in the bible, the more things i read that i did agree with until eventually, i woke up one morning and decided that it was time for me to choose which way to go from there. Would i become a Christian, or would i simply drop it? After pondering about it for a few hours, i once again checked the piece of paper, which looked the same as it did before. I've put it back just as i did the previous weeks before, but a few hours later, i went back again and the text was still unchanged and i put it back once again. A few minutes later, i went back to the piece of paper for the third time that day which of course was STILL unchanged. So i wrote "YES" myself and put it back. After i have done that i realized what i had done, i had made my choice. It is a choice that have never regretted so far and i don't think i ever will. BTW: If you are wondering what happened to the girl from the bar that started it all: i have married her in 1993 and we are still going strong! Discuss this article on the forums. (1 posts) Trackback(0)
Comments (0)
 Write comment
You must be logged in to a comment. Please register if you do not have an account yet.
|
TrackBack URI for this entry
Subscribe to this comment's feed